The Eroica allegiance sorting quiz!

Everyone knows that, in the immortal words of the good Major, "Neutrality is for sissies -- you've gotta have a team if you're gonna play the game." In other words, it would probably be a good idea for you to decide with which group you'd prefer to affiliate yourself--NATO, the KGB or, last but never least, the marvelous, world-famous Eroica gang!

Naturally, I wouldn't leave you to make decision of such magnitude on a whim. It should be made by our scientific, analytic, personality test! Just answer a few simple, confidential questions, and you'll discover which affiliation you're best suited for. But let me just add before you begin that thieves--and blonds--have far more fun!

quick! Word association: Butt.

ugly
naked
arse
perky
butler. no, wait... button! no...

I'm cold. Why?

Because I'm undisciplined.
I'm not.
Because I'm someplace where it's cold and it snows a lot.
It's my blood that's running cold. I'm getting The Glare.
I can think of some interesting ways to keep myself warm...

Red is:

The color I make when I bleed.
The color you make when *you* bleed.
A horrible, awful color to be in!
Stirring.
More manly than pink.
What's wrong with pink?

I like what I like.

HAHAHAHAHA!!
I'd like some more, please.
These are a few of my favorite things...
What was it that you liked again?
Don't finish that.

Worst nightmare?

Being chased by something larger and meaner than myself.
Getting married.
Lavish, wasteful extravagance.
Being naked in public.
Swarms of rats.
Inadequacy.
If those photos ever got out...

They're threatening to run electric current through my groin!

Does that mean they're gonna touch me *down there*?
I'll never talk -- NEVER!
Do your be- I mean, worst!
No, they're doing it wrong. Look, the black wire goes there, the red over there. Amateurs.
Pain builds character.
...and in the second grade I cheated on my history test, and...

Disguise of choice?

Wig.
Reading material.
Trenchcoat.
Dark sunglasses.
Heels and hose.
This *is* my disguise.

An eye for an eye.

A *black* eye for a *black* eye.
A tank for a painting.
It's better to give than to receive.
Vice versa.

Your co-worker casually mentions over morning coffee that they 'got some' last night.

I thought you looked a little stiff this morning.
Some what?
I bet that cost a pretty penny.
I was there, remember?
I suppose it was for 'the good of the mission'...