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Chapter Four
The Earl In All His Glory

Castle Gloria was astonishing. That was all Jason could think as they approached the home of the Earl of Gloria in the North Downs. He had seen his share of castles on his home world of Tel-Shye, but they were of a completely different order. Even his family estate was of a completely different order. Maybe the Doctor did know what he was talking about when he was extolling the virtues of Earth.

The Doctor had worked as UNIT’s scientific advisor for many years in the past and, at a one point in time, has acquired a bright yellow roadster he had named “Bessie.” When he left to continuing his wanderings in time and space, the Brigadier had put the car in storage until such times as the Doctor returned.

The Doctor parked Bessie beside the Major’s more conservative BMW and smiled, receiving an irritated glare in return.

“This is beautiful country,” Jason remarked as got out of the car and looked around.

Overhearing this, the Major merely snorted in reply. “If you want to see beauty, you should visit my country,” he said proudly. He expected an argument and was surprised when Jason replied, “Perhaps I will. I was supposed to be on vacation when this assignment came up.”

The Major’s eyes narrowed at the Alterran’s use of the word assignment. He wondered, rather astutely albeit suspiciously, if he really was as young as he made himself appear.

This was not the first time the Major had been to Castle Gloria, nor did he believe it would be his last—unfortunately. The servants recognized him immediately and grudgingly admitted him along with the Doctor and Jason.

Ignoring all the usual social pleasantries, the Major looked at the servant who had the misfortune to answer the door and demanded to see the Earl, “Now.”

“Wow.” Jason gave the Doctor a surprised look. “I thought Tolan was tightly wrapped, but he’s a regular party animal compared to this guy.”

“Did somebody say party?” a voice floated down from the main staircase.

The Doctor and Jason turned to see the Earl of Gloria descending the stairs. The Doctor glanced in his companion’s direction, an amused smile coming to his face when he saw the astonished expression on the Alterran’s face.

“Oh…my…God…” Jason said quietly.

The Earl was tall, well built and young. He was also wearing a sleeveless shirt, very tight fitting low rise trousers, an over exaggerated belt, calf length boots, and a coat with a fluffy fur collar and border that looked more like a cape that flared out behind him as he moved. He also had the most extraordinary mass of blond hair Jason had ever seen on a human being. It came down to the middle of his back and curled in all directions. He had the most enchanting smile on his face and his eyes were positively dancing as he took in his unexpected guests.

This is the famous international art thief? You have got to be kidding! “Doctor…?”

“That’s him, Jason. Eroica. Now shush,” the Doctor replied in a low voice. “This should be very interesting.”

Jason gave him a startled look. Sometimes his friend had the most bizarre idea of what was considered interesting. He also reflected that he would never again complain about the fact that the Doctor chose to wear a long frock coat and twenty foot long multicolored scarf all the time. He was positively understated compared to the outrageous individual descending the stairs.

“Why, Major,” Eroica was saying, “how nice of you to drop in to see me.” He looked up and smiled even brighter upon seeing Jason. “And you’ve brought some friends along. Who is this enchanting boy?”

“I’m not here to feed your perverted appetite, Earl of Gloria,” the Major snapped. “Three nearly identical pottery bowls were stolen in the last forty-eight hours. By you! Now give them to me at once.”

“Why should I?”

“Because I tell you to, idiot!”

“Oh, I am shaking in my boots.”

By this time Eroica had reached the bottom of the stairs. He brushed passed the enraged Major, crossing to the Doctor and Jason. He looked the Alterran up and down in a way that made him feel like he was a display in a butcher shop window.

“You must forgive the Major,” the Earl said to the Doctor. “Sometimes he forgets that he’s descended from the Hapsburgs and thus he also forgets social pleasantries.” He turned his dazzling smile in Jason’s direction. “Dorian Red Gloria, Earl of Gloria,” he cooed.

Jason closed his eyes and sighed heavily as Eroica draped an arm over his shoulder and started to play with his hair. Thank you very much for warning me about this, Doctor.

The Time Lord was trying very hard not to laugh, the smile on his face mirroring that of the man now annoying his companion. “I’m the Doctor, Lord Gloria.”

“And who is this charming boy?”

“My traveling companion, Jason—”

“Who can speak for himself,” Jason stated firmly, pulling away so he was facing the slightly taller Earl. He drew himself to his full height and went on in a regal tone, “Lord Gloria, I’m Jason Nigel Peregrine Alexander Krystovan, the Marquis Krystovan; Earl of Altrose, Baron of Tara, heir to the Royal House of Krystovan and Grand Nephew of Lord Emperor Quinton of the Alterran Empire.”

“Mein Gott, another aristocrat,” the Major moaned, rolling his eyes.

“Well, at least Dorian had the decency not to jump to conclusions about my background, Major Klaus Heinz von dem Eberbach,” Jason snapped, the name rolling off his tongue in the same precise manner as before.

“That’s because he’s more interested in your backside than your background, dummkopf!” the Major retorted.

I can’t let that one pass. “I want him, Major,” Eroica said suddenly, putting his arm around Jason’s shoulders again.

Even the Major, who should have been used to these outrageous displays, was momentarily thrown. “What?”

“You want your bowls back? Well, I want him.”

“Alright, this has gone far enough,” Jason broke in pointedly. “Look, my Lord Gloria—”

“Oh, please, call me Dorian again.”

Jason gave a small growl. “Will you stop mauling me if I do?”

Eroica gave him an innocent look through his eyelashes. “I’m not mauling you, you dear sweet boy. I’m just being friendly.”

“Whatever you call it, you’re wasting your time. I happened to be heterosexual.”

The Major made a surprised strangled noise at the directness of this statement. He received an amused sideways glance from Eroica, who was obviously enjoying himself immensely. The Doctor observed this and wondered if the Earl were putting on this performance simply to upset the Major. If so, he was succeeding.

Eroica was still arranging the curls in Jason’s hair. “Maybe I can change your mind,” he said seductively.

“I doubt it,” the Alterran replied, his voice deadly serious. “What you’re suggesting is physically impossible for my species.” He took hold of Eroica’s hand and pulled it away, turning to face him again. He met his inquiring eyes with a stern look. “I’m not human. Nor am I a boy. I may look only nineteen, but I happen to be more than one hundred years old.”

There was a stunned silence that followed as everyone stared at Jason. Suddenly the Doctor could contain himself no longer and burst out laughing. Then Eroica started to laugh. “I love a challenge,” he said happily. “Not human! Wonderful!”

“Great,” Jason said ironically. “Now if you’d be so kind as to give the Major those bowls before he has a cerebral hemorrhage, we’ll call it even.”

Eroica thought this over and shrugged. “Why not.” He threw a smile in the glowering Major’s direction, adding, “I can always steal them back again.” He turned and went back up the staircase. A few moments later, a heated argument could be heard.

The Major lit a cigarette and leaned against the banister, listening to the exchange in mild amusement. The Earl’s accountant, an annoyingly fussy little man named James, was apparently pitching a hissy fit over the fact that Eroica was returning the bowls without making a profit from the theft. The Major’s enjoyment of this routine, albeit tumultuous upheaval was interrupted when a servant informed him that there was a phone call for him. The only ones to know he was going to Castle Gloria were the Brigadier in London, and his bureau Chief in Bonn. He had his doubts that the former would ask to speak to him, and could only assume it was the Chief. As it turned out, he was correct and spent several minutes explaining how his mission was proceeding thus far and his hope that he would have the items in question in his possession within the hour.

Eroica returned to the main entryway with a large package in his hands. He placed it on a table in the center of the foyer and looked around in bewilderment. “Did the Major get tired of waiting?” he asked in mock petulance. “I wasn’t gone that long, surely?”

“Actually, he had to take a phone call,” the Doctor replied.

Eroica nodded, throwing a glance in the direction of the drawing room where the nearest telephone was located. “Daddy in Bonn must want a report,” he said unkindly.

The Doctor did not reply to this. He indicated the box. “May I?”

“By all means. I can only assume the Major has you along to authenticate these are genuine.” There was a slightly bitter edge to the thief’s voice that did not go unnoticed by his listeners.

“No, actually. I came along for the ride.”

“Actually, he came to watch the fireworks,” Jason injected, adding, “Dorian.”

This amused the thief and he laughed, causing Jason to note that when he wasn’t being so completely over the top, he was actually quite pleasant. He turned back to see an odd look on the Doctor’s face. “What’s wrong?” When he received no reply, he asked again. “Doctor, what’s wrong?”

The Doctor gave him a steady look and slid the box over towards him. “What do you make of these?” he asked.

There was an edge to his voice that made the Alterran’s hair stand on end. He looked into the box, seeing exactly what he expected to see. Three pottery bowls nesting inside one another. Hold on a minute… Jason blinked. Were they glowing? And that inscription… “Is this what I think it is?” he asked in a frightened voice.

The Time Lord nodded.

The Alterran touched one of the bowls, and felt a surge of energy rush through him. Only one thing could cause that to happen. Then he turned sharply to the Earl, who had been listening to this exchange in some bewilderment. “Dorian, have you been the only one to handle these?” he asked suddenly.

“Of course, you dear sweet—” Eroica broke off when he saw the look on Jason’s face and a chill ran down his spine. “Why?” he asked seriously.

“Because they’re radioactive, that’s why.”

“What?” Eroica gave him a horrified look. Then a sly sideways glance. “Now you’re just trying to frighten me so I don’t steal them again, aren’t you?”

“No. I’m not.”

The Major returned at that moment and saw the box on the table. “I’m pleased you’ve finally seen sense, Eroica,” he snorted, lighting another cigarette. “Now if I can just collect my bowls…”

“No!” Jason stepped in front of him, barring his way.

“Get out of my way, boy,” the Major snarled.

“I should listen to him if I were you, Major,” the Doctor broke in. “Those things are radioactive.”

The Major rolled his eyes. “I am aware of this, Doctor,” he said derisively.

“No, Major, I mean highly radioactive. That’s what happens when they come in contact with one another.”

“And you naturally wish to take them back to UNIT, yes?” came the suspicious retort. “Just how will you do this if no one is to touch them?”

“I didn’t say no one could touch them. It’s perfectly safe for Jason to handle them.”

“Come again?” This was Eroica, who had been following the conversation by a thread, only to become completely lost by this last statement.

“I’m Alterran,” Jason said unhelpfully.

“So?” This was the Major, who was beginning to wonder about the sanity of UNIT’s scientific advisor.

“Alterran’s absorb radiation,” the Doctor said matter of factly. “They thrive on the stuff, in fact.”

“Mein Gott, UNIT has given me a pair of lunatics!” the Major exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

The Doctor gave him a dark look. “Not the most open minded of individuals, are you, Major?”

This remark caused Eroica to laugh. The Major responded by glaring at the both of them.

Jason, in the meantime, was ignoring them all. He was looking thoughtfully down at the innocuous looking bowls within the box. “After forty-eight hours, it’s a miracle no one’s taken ill yet,” he said quietly.

Eroica caught his breath and turned to him, a stricken look on his face. “One of my staff has taken ill.”

“Suddenly?”

“Very.”

“Did they handle these more than you?”

A pause. “Yes.”

Jason gave the Doctor a steady look. “Well? It’s your call. You’re the expert on Earth, here.”

“What is this idiot boy talking about,” the Major broke in angrily.

“This idiot boy, as you call him, is the most gifted physician his home planet has ever produced, Major,” the Time Lord replied firmly. “And he has the power to save the lives of everyone in this castle.”

“Are you saying all that nonsense about radioactivity was true?” Eroica asked, not quite able to take it in.

“What did you think it was?” the Doctor wanted to know.

“I thought you were just trying to scare me so I wouldn’t try to steal them back.” Eroica turned his gaze back to Jason, who closed his eyes when he saw the same amorous look return to his eyes. “So, this lovely boy really isn’t human?”

“Not even remotely.” Jason held out a hand out to the fascinated Earl of Gloria. “Give me your hand, and don’t get any funny ideas.”

Eroica took the Alterran’s hand and watched his expression go from grave to surprised. Only the Doctor knew what was happening. Jason had the ability to scan anything he touched, picking up information in the same way as electronic scanning equipment. The instant the other man’s hand was in his own, he initiated the scan, his eyes widening when he discovered the thief had been exposed to a lethal amount of radiation. Fortunately, he also had the power to clear the man’s system of it.

Jason threw a quick glance in the Doctor’s direction. He then closed his eyes, drawing a deep breath as he did so. For the briefest of instants, his body glowed brightly and then returned to normal. He released his grip and stepped back.

“Dorian, you’ll be pleased to learn you are no longer in danger of dying from radiation poisoning,” he informed calmly.

There was a loud cry of panic and everyone turned to see James at the top of the stairs. “Radiation poisoning! Oh my God, we’re all going to die!” So saying, he promptly fainted.

“I’m guessing he’s the one who was taken ill,” the Doctor said aridly.

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