Four: Even Worse

Klaus had been surprised at how easily it was for him to move through the house without arousing attention. He would simply hover near a group a few minutes before moving on. He was able to slip into a long hallway and saunter along unhindered, looking in one room after another. In less than fifteen minutes, he had located the study and slipped in.

Klaus was also pleased to find that his voice was returning, finally, if only in low rumbles. "Found it."

"Good show," Dorian replied, glancing around to make certain he was not overheard. "Where, in relation to the room I left you in?" He listened, making note of the location in comparison to where he stood. "I'm in the garden on the other side of the house. A quick exit would be a problem over here but not on that side as far as I can see."

"Good." Finally, Klaus thought, something was going right.

"See if you can locate the safe while I finish this sweep."

The disguised Major had just finished making a search of the room, locating the safe in the process, when another of the party guests entered and started making ideal conversation. Klaus tried to remember all the Earl had told him about pretending to be a woman, as well as mimic the gestures he had seen women make in the past.

"You haven't touched your drink," the man who had asked to be called Archie said as he sat on the sofa, pulling the "woman" down beside him. He had an unusual mixture of accents that the Major could not quite place, his French, while flawless, wasn't quite right for Paris.

Klaus's eyes fell on his forgotten glass of tonic water now being offered to him. He took it, giving it a dubious look. It was, after all, only window dressing. Surely this idiot didn't expect him to drink it? When the "idiot" raised his own glass, the answer became apparent and the disguised Major grudgingly took a gulp from the glass. Then he coughed. It tasted even more horrible now that it had had the chance to warm up.

"Come on, drink up," Archie encouraged. "I'm sure it will be good for your throat."

Klaus took another gulp, hoping this would satisfy the moron as he went on with his inane small talk.

In his ear, Klaus suddenly heard the Earl's impatient voice snap, "For the love of Mike, Major, this isn't the time to be chatted up. Get rid of him!" The officer winced, wondering if the man beside him had heard it. He took another obligatory sip of the offending drink and tried to put the glass down, only to find it being pushed back up to his mouth.

"No, no, you should drink up," Archie insisted.

Why? Klaus wondered, giving the glass a closer look. Then he realized it was starting to blur. Fuck. I've been drugged. Have I been made? He tried to stand, only to be pulled down rather forcefully.

"What's your hurry?"

When this was repeated, Klaus decided that punching the bugger would probably be a bad idea. The last thing he needed was to get into a fist fight during a mission, especially since Eroica had yet to steal the documents. Instead, he resorted to an action he had seen countless women take over the years. He threw his drink in the man's face. This was diversion enough to allow him to finally get to his feet. Unfortunately, whatever had been put in the drink was already making him unsteady. He only managed a few steps before he was caught from behind.

"I said what's your hurry?" Archie growled more forcefully. "We haven't gotten to know one another."

When Klaus heard the fabric of the dress tear, he decided enough was enough and turned, bringing a knee up to connect with Archie's groin, which also put him even further off balance. The man gave an angry howl and lashed out, sending the disguised officer crashing to the floor. "Bitch!"

Dorian heard the Major give a loud grunt as he hit the floor, and the sound of furniture being pushed aside. "Bloody hell, Klaus!" he gasped has he started to run to the back entrance. "Is that brute actually trying to rape you?"

"Ja!" was all Klaus managed to say before Archie was on top of him. He fought back as best he could while fighting the drug at the same time. In his ear, he heard A ask, "Lord Gloria, should we move in?"

"Nein!" Klaus rumbled back, inwardly cursing the dress that was now hampering his movements.

Archie gave a laugh. "Everybody knows when a woman says no, she really means yes." There was further tearing of fabric, followed by the skirt being pulled up. Archie reached under and gave an astonished gasp when he made contact with the Major's crotch. "Fuck! You're a man!"

"No shit, Sherlock!" came the Earl's angry voice. No one fucks this man but me! He used the purse the Major had dropped on a table to punctuate his remark, bringing it down hard against the man's temple. To his astonishment, Archie gave a loud grunt and ended up sprawled on the floor, out cold.

"Good grief, what do you have in this thing?" Dorian opened the incredibly heavy purse to find a small automatic handgun inside. "I should've guessed. And I thought a woman's purse was dangerous." When the officer did not snap back at him, Dorian scowled, getting down beside him. "Major...? Major...?" He received an unfocused look. He slapped his cheek a few times, shaking him. "Klaus! Come on, Klaus, look at me!"

Klaus struggled to focus. "Drugged."

"I gathered as much."

"Lord Gloria..." came A's worried voice again.

"No need to storm the building, Mr. A--"

"No, sir," A broke in. "We think the couriers have arrived. Three men were just greeted on the front steps by Mr. Fitzroy."

"One of them fits the description we were given of the lead agent," Z's voice rejoined.

This was enough to help Klaus focus his thoughts. He pointed to where the safe was located. "Get stealing, Dieb..."

Dorian nodded. "Just you stay with me. We still have to get out of here."

"Ja."

Within a minute, Eroica had the safe open and was pulling out a stack of files. He set them on the desk and started removing the papers from the manila folders.

Klaus had been able to fight his way to a sitting position and was leaning against the sofa watching in some bewilderment. "Was machst du?"

Dorian frowned. The Major was starting to lose his English, which meant he was also losing the battle against the drug that the unconscious lout on the floor had given him. He considered switching to German, but decided if he stayed with English, it would force the Major to concentrate. "If I take the papers and not the folders," he explained, "they may not suspect anything's missing. Not everyone is as thorough as Iron Klaus. Chances are, they won't even open the folders."

Klaus gave an approving nod and struggled to focus as the Earl returned the folders to the safe. Then he scowled as the thief came over, sat down beside him, and started to pull up the skirt of the dress. "Was...?"

"Don't panic," Dorian said calmly. "There are hidden pockets in the petticoat. You'll be able to smuggle these out yourself." As he spoke, he quickly slipped the papers into the pockets. Then he leaned back, giving the Major a steady look.

Klaus waved a hand vaguely in the downed Archie's direction. "Tie..."

Dorian scowled. Tie? When the Major made a circling motion around a hand, the penny dropped. Yes, tie the bugger up.

Rather than waste time searching for something, Dorian went for the man's tie. "The uncouth clod's wearing a clip on tie," he snorted, throwing a quick glance over to Klaus, who rolled his eyes. He pulled off the man's belt and bound his hands together. Then he got to his feet and gave the downed man a swift kick in the stomach. "That is because my Major can't do it for himself, you pig!" He then kicked him in a more sensitive area for good measure, adding, "And that is because no bloody means no!" He turned, snatching up the purse containing the gun before helping the impressed Major to his feet. "Klaus, do you think you can make it to the side door?"

Klaus gave him an unfocused look. "Dunno." He indicated the torn dress. "How...?" He did not have to go on. The meaning clear.

"I don't know, either. I'm sure I'll think of something."

"Scheisse."

# # #

It had been a struggle, but the Earl managed to get them down the hall and back to the main room. The only problem was, Klaus was getting groggier--and heavier--by the second and Dorian feared he would pass out before he could get him got out of the house. Then he saw the man from SIS and had a very evil idea on how to cover the theft and allow them ample time to escape.

"Mr. Lawrence, just the man!" the Earl said in an overly placating tone. "I'm in rather desperate need of a Knight Errant just now."

"Are you making fun of...?" Lawrence's voice trailed off when he turned, seeing the disheveled Ms Persimmon being supported by Eroica. "Ms Persimmon! What's happened?"

"I just rescued her from a cad," Dorian said firmly. He nodded back down the hall. "Down there. He was attacking her and I managed to brain him before he could do anything...unseemly."

Lawrence moved to look down the hall, seeing the open door to the study.

"Do you think your lads could see the brute doesn't escape?" Dorian was saying from behind him. "I'm sure the Major would be ever so grateful to the SIS if they were the ones to turn the man over to the police."

The Earl didn't think it was possible, but Lawrence puffed up all the more. He motioned to one of his fellow SIS men, directing him to the study and ordering the man found within taken into custody.

Dorian beamed. "If I could possibly impose on you further," he said mildly. "Would you look after Klaudia for me? I need to get our coats and I don't want to leave her on her own."

"Say no more," Lawrence said, taking charge of the fast weakening "woman" being supported by the Earl.

Dorian looked up just in time to see Fitzroy the Sun King leading three men through the crowd. The couriers, no doubt. "I'm sure some fresh air will help clear Klaudia's head. If you could take her out the side entrance, just there..." He pointed to a side exit. "No need to embarrass the poor dear. You know how society people love gossip."

Klaus still had enough of his wits about him to look daggers at the Earl before he was being assisted to the side door. Lawrence was oblivious to this and was happily expounding about his adventures with Iron Klaus, his fellow comrade in arms. Klaus, in the meantime, was confirming his opinion of all Englishmen as moronic twits when another one came storming over to the Earl. The officer found himself grateful that they were both wired, as he was able to listen in on the exchange as he was removed from the house.

"What the devil is going on here?" Fitzroy demanded.

"You may well ask, Wally," Dorian shot back smoothly. "One of your guests just attacked Ms Persimmon."

"Attacked!" Fitzroy turned sharply just as Lawrence lead the visibly shaken "Klaudia" from the house. "Who? What? When? Where?"

The Earl gave a snort, waving a hand in the air. "You should've been a reporter," he said acidly. "Some lout named Archie drugged the poor woman--"

"Archie? The Canadian attaché?"

How the hell should I know? "Whoever he is, he tried to rape her in your study."

"My study?"

Dorian had to fight not to smile at the horrified reaction this induced. Wait ‘till you hear this next bit. "The SIS have been nice enough to take charge of him until the police arrive."

"Police?"

He's turning into a bloody parrot. "You might want to earn that ‘Right Honorable' title now," the Earl said sarcastically. A servant he had stopped earlier arrived with his coat and the Major's wrap at that moment. He thanked the man, turning back to the still thunderstruck Fitzroy. "I don't know what I'm going say to Klaudia. I brought her here so she could enjoy herself and forget the brute she'd finally sent packing, not to be mauled and have the Dior dress she just had fitted destroyed by a thug."

So saying, the Earl brushed past him, following after Klaus, whom he found not far from the door. He was sitting on a stone bench being supported by Lawrence, who was looking far more concerned than Dorian ever would've given him credit.

"Lord Gloria, I think Ms Persimmon should have medical attention," Lawrence said as the Earl put the wrap over the disguised Major's shoulders. "She's not making sense."

That's rich coming from you. Dorian simply nodded. The two men had to practically lift Klaus to his feet. He was only semi-conscious by this time and mumbling in German. Dorian caught only snatches, but for the most part, it was gibberish. "My car is just there," he said mildly. "I'll get her straight to hospital."

"Please, allow me..."

"Don't you think you should be here to meet the police? You don't want that criminal getting away, do you? What would the Major say?"

"Indeed." Lawrence straightened. "I mustn't shirk my duties. A man who would treat a woman in such a manner should be horsewhipped." So saying he strode off.

"Bloody twit," Dorian snorted. He looked around the grounds now shrouded in darkness. "Mr. A, where is everyone?" he said seriously. "The Major is practically out on his feet."

"We're just here, sir," Z's voice called as he appeared out of the dark only a few yards away. Several agents appeared with him and then assisted in getting their incapacitated superior to the safety of a waiting van. Within a few minutes, they were pulling away from the mansion.

Dorian looked over at the sleeping Major, who was being covered with a blanket by G. "How is he, G?"

The agent looked up and smiled. "Seems fine, Lord Gloria. Just out cold from the drug."

Dorian nodded and leaned back, closing his eyes, and heaving a sigh of relief.

Mission accomplished.

# # #