Well, the old bat had really gone and done it. The Major rubbed his temples as he walked away from the Chief's office, irritated by his new mission. He hated the circus surrounding the royals of any country, but England was the worst. Still, he had to admit, in some part of his mind, that he had been flattered by the mission. The threat was terrorists in general, and Neo-Nazis in particular, taking advantage of the country's moment of weakness in order to allegedly kidnap the queen and make a list of demands.

Schiesse. What an embarrassment. But he knew the threat well, and also knew his team could deal with the Neo-Nazis.

It was everyone else he was going to have to deal with that was giving him the headache.

He burst through the door of his unit's office.

"Men! At attention!" He barked, standing just inside the door, the fury clearly visible on his face.

Twenty-six men around the room stood up from their desks and snapped to attention, saluting the Major. The Major took a few seconds to admire their discipline. Even after all these years, they were still terrified of him. It helped.

"J!" he yelled, "What is the biggest news you've heard over the past 24 hours?"

"That... that's the death of Princess Victoria, sir!"

"Correct! There will be several large state functions in England over the next several days. All the royals and nobility will be attending, in addition to large numbers of mourners. It is a perfect terrorist target, and we have received intelligence that indicates that Neo-Nazis attempt to kill or kidnap most of the immediate members of the royal family, possibly during the private funeral ceremony. We are flying to England this afternoon. All of us. We will be canvassing any and all locations before, during, and after all events relating to the funeral. It will be two weeks before the scheduled events run their course."

The Major paused in the middle of his issue.

"We... we will be working with the SIS to ensure that everything runs smoothly."

Agent M groaned aloud before laying eyes on the major and snapping back to attention. The Major made an effort not to smirk. He had always liked M, and it was because he was nearly as bad as the Major at keeping his thoughts in check.

"The Neo-Nazis have been reorganizing in recent years, and they have been waiting for just such a major event to let their presence be known again. The old bat picked a rather inconvenient time to die. They are not the only group involved in the terrorist plans, but the SIS will handle the rest. You are familiar with the heads of the Neo-Nazi terrorists, be looking for them and any known consorts. Any questions?"

The room was silent.

"At ease. Do what must be done. We are leaving from Koln-Bonn at 15:00."

The Major stormed past them into his office and slammed the door. There was a phone call he was dreading, but he waited a minute while he eavesdropped on his agents. It had always been sad that they were Germany's finest intelligence team, since for all their years of experience, the spies had never quite learned that the Major could hear them through his office door.

C was the first to break the silence. "Covering all events for the funeral? It really will take all of us. Can you even imagine how many services are going to be held in every church in England?"

"Do you really think we'll have to cover all the church services, too? Isn't the terrorist target the royals themselves?"

"Probably, but some of us are still going to be walking around to every church."

"Say, I wonder how we're going to get into the funeral? As far as I know, not even the Queen's guards are allowed in. Royals and Peers only."

Klaus temper rose as he heard the agents get right to the heart of what was bothering him. Agent G's voice cut through the others.

"Oh, I know a certain Earl that would love to invite the Major to the funeral, I bet."

The room went silent. The Major rolled his eyes as he could feel twenty-six pairs of eyes slide to his office door and the room holding its breath.

"You really think so?"

"How else are we going to get in there?"

"Well, that's true, but how are the Neo-Nazis going to get into the service if not even we can?"

"Yeah, but we can get in, so maybe they can too."

"Well, yes."

"Hey, did the Major really just call the Queen of England's sister an old bat? She was only 48, the same age as the Major."

The twenty-six agents simultaneously fought to contain heart attacks as the Major's office door slammed open.

"You bloody idiots will find yourselves in Alaska unless you get your bloody feet moving right now!" The Major bellowed from his office. All the men were gone from the room before he could even blink. If nothing else, they certainly had gotten a lot faster over the years.

The Major sighed and lit a cigarette, then went back over to his desk and stared at his phone. He hadn't spoken to the thief since his birthday a month ago. Well, he bloody hoped he had a good time, because he really needed this.

*****

The Major pulled up to the thief's castle and got out of his Mercedes. He eyed the limousine parked in front of the door as he walked into the castle. He stopped short in his tracks as he laid eyes on the Earl of Gloria, waiting for him in the front hallway of his castle.

The thief was dressed like a proper man, something that took the Major a few minutes to get used to. He had an impeccably cut tuxedo, black jacket with a gold chain an gold and diamond buttons and cufflinks decorating it, with the Coat of Arms of House Gloria on a medal pinned to the front. Underneath was a white satin vest and a white silk shirt with an elaborately ruffled lace collar. His tie was blue velvet that matched his eyes perfectly.  The lack of colors in the tuxedo set off his golden curls far more than the outrageous things the Earl usually wore. Today the Earl had his curls tamed and tied back with a blue velvet ribbon that matched his tie. On top of the tuxedo was a red robe with a white mantle pinned around the Earl's neck. He had a jeweled, ornamental sword belted at his waist, and on his head was a coronet.  He carried a pearl-handled cane in his right hand.

The ensemble suited the man more than any of the other outfits the Major had seen him in over the years.

The Earl would have smirked at the over-long attentions the Major was lavishing on him, but he was taken aback by the Major's appearance himself. He had worn his dress uniform, with the tailored gray jacket over dark pants with the Major's usual impeccable crease.  A navy-colored beret sat atop his head with NATO and Operative Information badges pinned to it.  The Major's rank was displayed on his shoulder and lapels, with the patch symbolizing the German military on his upper sleeve.  He had several ribbon bar medals and a single NATO medal pinned to his left side, with a single medal displaying the Eberbach Coat of Arms on his right side.  He also had a sword belted around his waist with an ornamental buckle.  He wore white gloves on his hands.  The gray jacket set off the gray-green of his eyes, and his hair fell impossibly straight and dark to his shoulders.  Even with one of the most stressful professions in the world and close to 50 years under his belt, the Major showed not one strand of gray hair anywhere on his head.  The Major was the only person he would ever forgive for that haircut, as awful as it was, the Earl couldn't imagine him looking nearly as gorgeous with any other style.  The soft, unreadable expression on his face was also something that was extremely uncharacteristic of Iron Klaus, who almost always scowled when he saw the Earl.

"I must say, the Bundeswehr uniforms in full dress cuts an impressive figure.  It's been ages since I've seen you wear anything but your suit to work."

The Major bit his tongue halfheartedly.  He didn't feel the usual anger over the comment on his appearance.  Possibly because he was thinking the same thing about the Earl. 

The Earl took advantage of the half-second of silence. "You are highly decorated, Major von dem Eberbach.  What are all your medals for?"

"Good grades."  The Major hurriedly changed the subject and switched languages.  >"Are you really wearing all that to the funeral?  I thought you only wore such things to a coronation."<

The Earl frowned. "Well, no, but we all do anyway since there's not a lot of occasions to dust off the family jewels. And you were the one who sent me that package from Sweden with the German books in it."

>"Yes, of course it was me. Do you know a lot of people who would send you German textbooks?"<

"No, it was just puzzling since my mysterious benefactor failed to leave me a note explaining his intentions."

>"If I had left a note, you would have been in Germany the same day you got it, pestering me in my office."<

"True." The Earl got a wistful look on his face. "Thank you for the gift anyway, Major, unexpected presents from you are always appreciated, you know."

>"Whatever. I see you've been studying them?"<

"Yes. I didn't know who sent them, but I went through them anyway. I do love a good mystery. And now it's coming in handy."

>"Right. Did you really go all the way through all the books? Can you speak the language, too?"<

The Earl hesitated.

>"Yes, but not good. I had no practice except in the book. Makes learning hard. I'm embarrassed to talk without knowing... better words."<

The Major couldn't help but laugh. The Earl turned red.

"Forget it, then! I just can't bring myself to use a language I can't make myself absolutely known in. I'll listen to you use it until I'm comfortable."

>"No. You will speak it as well. I do not want others to overhear our conversation."<

>"Neo-Nazis speak German too... er, wife."<

The Major laughed again at the Earl's halfhearted efforts to trigger his temper in the foreign tongue. >"Don't bother trying that. Neo-Nazis speak German, but not even many native German speakers understand Plautdietsch. It's an extremely old form of German. It is more or less exclusive to Mennonites and a few isolated religious communities. You won't be able to flirt at all with this language."< The Major looked triumphant, then laughed one more time at the cross look the Earl was giving him.

"Spoilsport!" >"Well, I will use it. I do not like you much for it."<

>"That's fine."< The Major grinned broadly. He had won this round.

The Earl smirked as he followed the uniformed Major out to the limo. He let the small victory pass. He would have his own when they got to the funeral.

*****