The Letters
Several kilometers from Schloss Eberbach, safely inside a comfortable room in a flat belonging to a friend, Dorian sat with his stolen treasure. An incident that occurred during the Major’s last mission had left Eroica so enraged that he had been planning his revenge before the officer was even out of his sight. The Earl had fully intended stealing The Man In Purple as the Major’s birthday “gift” this year, leaving a tacky birthday card pinned to the wall in its place. That was until he discovered the safe behind the painting.
Dorian had expected that any safe in the Major’s home would be difficult to crack, but it took no effort at all. Not to his great surprise, the contents were not ultra top secret papers, just uninteresting documents pertaining to the estate—and an exquisite porcelain box that was obviously an heirloom, its every surface delicately hand-painted. Dorian’s first thoughts on seeing it were that it was a lady’s trinket box containing…the family jewels, perhaps? There was no way he was going to leave this behind. He could always come back for the painting later.
Dorian had carefully picked the lock on the box, taking great care not to damage it—or its contents. To his great disappointment, what he found within was not gold, jewels, or even cash. It was just letters. Dozens of them, all in the Major’s unmistakable bold handwriting, each one numbered, neatly folded in half, and carefully preserved over the course of years. How many years the Earl could only guess at.
Dorian flipped the stack over so as to start at the beginning. To his bewilderment, the first letter was addressed to the Major’s mother. He knew that she had died when the officer was just an infant. So for the Major to pen a letter to her was so incongruous.
Dorian had intended to just skim through it, but after the first few sentences, he stopped, looking carefully at the words again to make certain he hadn’t misread them. They were, after all, written in German. He could have mistranslated. So he started again, slowly…
Mother,
For the first time in decades I find myself wishing you were here to talk to because I am entering uncharted territory. I am having feelings that I have never had before and there is no one to whom I can turn. Father will be of no help. His answer to everything is for me to marry and have children. My feelings in the matter never enter into the conversation. He just wants to know why I’m not married yet, and why I haven’t given him any grandchildren.
That brings me to the reason I wish I could talk to you, Mother. I’m sure you’ve already guessed that I have met someone. At first, I thought nothing about it, because in my work I meet all sorts of people. Some who try to get close have a hidden motive from the other side, while others are my idiot superior’s attempts to domesticate me. Sometimes I think he and Father are working together.
Forgive me, I’m getting off the subject. Back to this — someone. I’m sorry, Mother, but because of my work, I can’t even give you their name. Anyway, I am experiencing feelings I cannot identify. Feelings I’ve never experienced before. And that actually frightens me. Me! Iron Klaus! What is happening to me? Is this—
I can’t even write the word! I don’t want to think that word. They say that that—word--is a special kind of madness. It must be true, because I believe I am slowly going mad. Perhaps it is best that you’re not here to witness it.
Your son,
Klaus
The Earl sat staring at the paper in his hands, reading and re-reading the words. The Major...in love? It’s not possible!
Dorian flipped the paper over, seeing nothing on the back other than the number. Damnation, Major, why didn’t you put a date on this?
He picked up the paper marked number two…
Dorian could not believe the words he was reading. Had they not been in the Major’s unmistakable handwriting, he would have sworn they were written by someone else. But it was undeniably the Major’s bold script. Undeniably Iron Klaus. In love! When did this happen? How did this happen? The man ran from even the slightest hint of intimacy. Who the hell could have captured the heart of my beloved Major?My Dearest One,
There is a fine mist coming down. Just enough to make everything damp and oppressive, much like my mood, because not long ago, I finally admitted to myself that I am in love with you. I know that learning such a truth is normally a reason to celebrate, but I know you understand how dangerous my job is. If you were to learn my true feelings, and then were harmed in any way, I would never be able to forgive myself. It isn’t even safe to put your name in these secret missives. What if someone should find them and learn who you are? No, my Flower, I must protect you because I never want to see you wither.
That’s why I have chosen to speak to you this way, in order to tell you on paper what I will never be able to say aloud. Why, you may ask? Because suddenly everything I see I want to share with you – my successes, my failures, my joy, my happiness. When I had to go away for weeks or months on end for a mission, it wasn’t too bad for me, because I was busy all the time and there was no one worried about my return. But then I learned that you loved me, and that was reason enough for me to want to return safely. And if something were to happen and I did not return, I know that you will remember me. I know this thought will sustain me through the darkest times.
I am still in a state of shock after discovering you loved me. If I hadn’t been in love with you already, I don’t know how I would have felt in this knowledge. This is the first and only time that I have been in love. Does it always hurt so? I feel all lost inside because we are apart. But we must remain apart, so you will never know just how much I love you. Knowing that you love me will have to be enough.
All my love forever,
Klaus
The Earl picked up the next paper.
My Dearest One,
My Flower,
Outside it is raining very hard, as if nature is weeping because you are not here. Because you can never be here. With me. So I must write the things I dare not utter. And yet, I know that that will only make it worse, but I must be strong so you will stay safe. You don’t even suspect my true feelings for you and that is good because it keeps you safe, my Flower. Because I love you, I will bear this burden.
Today, I want to tell you how my heart is bursting. But it will take an eternity of days for me to describe even one small bit of my love for you. My love grows day by day like a flower, unfolding as a flower, petal by petal, each more beautiful than the last and making the whole unutterably beautiful to experience. The glow and dazzle is still there. I get all fuzzy when I think of you. I keep trying, but these words just don’t seem to be adequate. It’s music in the air, stars in the sky, and happy voices crying out when I think of you even though you cannot be here with me.
All my love forever,
Klaus
Dorian found he could not stop reading, going from one letter to the next. He was determined to find one that would give some indication as to how long the Major had been writing these secret missives.
My Flower,
I am supposed to be writing a report about my mission in Alaska, but instead I’m writing to you. I have started this letter 3 times and I still cannot write what I am feeling. I love you so damn much that my nerve is all gone. MY nerve! Even I can’t believe it. The words just won’t behave so I will dive right in. I need to tell you that if I had any doubts about your love before, I never will again. For the rest of my life I am sure. No matter what anyone says now, I am as sure of you as I am of myself.
How can I describe how I feel? Wanting to just hold your hand and walk together like every other couple. You listening while I tell you that I love you. How wonderful it would be just to have you near. My Flower, know that my love is with you constantly. I am but the keeper of the flame with your love filling my life with radiance.
My Flower, I wish you could know how writing to you takes me a long time. I lean back to think and I get all wrapped up in rosy dreams and I stop writing. I only wish that I could put some of the dreams in words. They are such nice dreams, too. It starts with a small cast – just two. Two people very much in love stepping onto the stage of life. But there is no scheduled opening date to this romance. Delayed indefinitely due to unforeseen circumstances. I don’t want to think about that. I just want to think about you. But I still have that damned report to write!
All my love forever,
Klaus
When Dorian read “Alaska,” he felt his heart jump, recalling how long ago this particular mission had taken place. It had been in 1980! He looked at the number of letters that preceded this one with disbelieving eyes. Then he felt himself growing very angry and snatched up the next letter. There had to be a clue in these somewhere identifying the strumpet who had stolen his beloved Major’s heart!
My Flower,
I finally finished my report. It took forever because you kept interrupting my thoughts. The storm off Alaska reminded me of another mission at sea many, many years ago. That one was so very different. Never in my life have I seen such a beautiful, peaceful world than from a ship as it steamed through the tropical waters off the Indian Ocean. The sea was glass smooth and the wake of the ship stretched out behind in a phosphorescent trail to the horizon. Overhead, the night blazed with a pattern of stars. The only sounds were those of the ship working as it steamed along and the bubbling murmur of the bow wake as it curved over and exploded in frothy splendor. How I wish I could relive that time with you beside me to share it.
Until I met you, my Flower, I had no idea that love could be such a wonderful, beautiful thing. And I was filled with joy just knowing that you loved me. The most beautiful sunset ever seen is dim against the radiance in my heart. It is difficult for me to describe my love, because I have never been in love before. You are totally and completely responsible for my present condition. My love grows every day, becoming more and more a complete part of me — making everyday even more lonely because you are not here with me.
My Flower, the love I have for you is a shining silver thread that spans the oceans of the world, joining my heart to yours. That slender thread has me bound more effectively than any chains or bonds could possibly do. It’s the star dusted thread of eternal love that binds me to you. And I am happy beyond any comparison to know that it exists, even if you will never know.
All my love forever,
Klaus
Dear God, the man’s an even bigger romantic than I thought! I always knew he had it in him. Dorian found himself alternately hating and loving the Major all the more as he read letter after letter.
My Flower,
Another quiet Sunday without you. After mass, I decided I would write to you again, but once again I became lost in dreams of you. I know now that the miracle of life is to fall in love. I bounced all over the world for so long but I never suspected I would find someone. And to find them right here in front of me! My Flower, I find that I cry inside when you are sad. Don’t let anything hurt you – because it hurts me. You are life itself to me. You are the sun, the stars, the sky. My world is bounded in your love. And when you are happy — the air is filled with nightingales and birds of paradise. My future is completely wrapped up in you and I don’t know how it happened.
The one big, beautiful thing in my life now is my love for you. My entire life has been reoriented — my thinking, my actions, my desires, my dreams. Everything now revolves about you, my Flower. I thank you with all my heart for giving a true purpose and direction to my life. Just by being you — you shattered all the walls I had been building to isolate me from the world. I now want to join into the life about me. And I desperately wish we could do so together. I send my love to you on angel’s wings through the night. May my love be close to your heart when you wake to face the day and all the days ahead.
All my love forever,
Klaus
To Dorian’s delight, he realized he had discovered a clue! The Major traveled the world, but had found his flower right there in front of him! It was someone close at hand. But who? Someone in Bonn? Someone at NATO? Someone in the intelligence community? Who? It had to be someone in Germany. The letters were written in German, after all…
My Flower,
It has taken many tries to get this letter started because I am so angry, annoyed — jealous! There, I’ve said it. I am jealous! I see you talking to other men, men whose intentions are glaringly obvious, and I am filled with envy. Oh, to be able to talk to you that freely! I see you smiling, sharing your radiance with another, and I am — Well, you should know my temper. If I could make my feelings known, and then saw this happen, I would be putting people into the hospital on a regular basis.
Am I being selfish? I should be happy for you. Happy that you are able to move on with your life to find happiness with another man. But don’t allow him to hurt you. Because what hurts you, hurts me. And I always give back double what I am given.
Occasionally I seem to have the ability to express myself clearly and smoothly in words – tonight appears to be one of those rare instances. How strange. I feel much better and less alone by just writing this to you. There is a strong feeling in the air, as though you are very close to me right now. My Flower, even though there are two silver strands, there is but one thread. The strands, one my love, the other your love, are bound and woven into one strong solid thread that holds us together no matter how far the distance between. If by some miracle we can actually be together, the thread will be welded into an eternal link between us. To be together! When I write these words I hear music and the sky lights up. Oh, how I love you!
All my love forever,
Klaus
Dorian found himself weeping and had to stop reading. At this point, he wasn’t sure if he were feeling sorry for himself or his lovesick Major. They were both separated from their loves, although for the Earl, it was not by his own choice.
My Flower,
In this letter I am trying to put into words some of the love in my heart. The glory and wonder has been growing every day. The radiance is here to stay. I wouldn’t know what to do without it now. I don’t ever want to think of the days before it joined me. What did I do before I fell in love with you? How did I go from day to day? I love you more strongly with every passing minute. I keep discovering how much deeper and more full my love grows every day. There are no bounds as limits — my heart just expands as my love grows.
My Love, if I may presume to call you my love, I miss you twice as much as all the lonely songs I have ever heard. My clock is ticking loudly in my ear, underscoring the emptiness of the room and of my heart. I love you so much that I find myself wondering if you feel my heart tugging at the silver cord to your heart. At times I feel so close to you that I can hear your heart beat. My Flower, heart of my heart, I love you. Wherever you go, wherever you are, whomever you are with, please know that I love you.
All my love forever,
Klaus
Again, Dorian was forced to stop reading to wipe the tears from his face. To be so in love and unable to be with that person. Oh, my dearest Major, I know how you feel. Why couldn’t you have loved me?
My Flower,
The promise of the day has been echoed by the evening. The night sky is clear and an almost full moon crosses serenely over the arch of the sky. It is a most beautiful evening, one that promises that it is but a sign of many, much more beautiful to follow. Oddly, I am not feeling lonely tonight. It seems that now I am in love and I am never completely alone. When I pause as I write, I am close to you. It takes me hours to write because I am forever stopping and dreaming of you.
My Flower, the knowledge of your love has made me beyond doubt happier than I have any right to be. Therefore, I will love you with all my heart and soul. There is a joyous singing in my heart — a song of love dedicated to you. You see, my heart recognized you as the one for whom I have been searching throughout the world. My heart saw that you were the rest of me — to make me whole and complete. I have loved you all my life and searched for you all this time. And now my heart is filled with love, for I have found you and learned you loved me! My Flower, I know that I keep going on and on. I am trying to put into words how I feel whenever I think of you, whenever I see you, or read one of my letters to you. There is so much love and adoration in my heart that, even though I write and write, I’ll never explain it all.
All my love forever,
Klaus
To Dorian’s surprise, he picked up what turned out to be the last letter. He had read the entire contents of the box, not even noticing the passage of time. He wondered just how recent this final entry was. Had the Major only just penned it? Or had it been in the box for some time?
My Flower,
For some reason, my Love, I miss you more strongly tonight than I have before. I finished writing my earlier letter to you at eight and then waited around to nine. I made myself a cup of Nescafé and went to the library looking for a book but I just don’t feel like reading. Today’s newspapers are sitting untouched on my desk. Instead, I wandered in the garden to try and clear my head. Now here I am, with another cup of coffee, writing to you. It was while I was aimlessly wandering in the garden that the sense of being separated from you was very strong. It’s a very beautiful night. The sky is clear and the air is cool and crisp. My Flower, my life, my everything, I love you and wish you could be here to share more than the night sky with me.
I have never, ever been in love before. I have a small idea as to why. I never quite trusted any person completely. I was afraid that I would be hurt. But with you, my Flower, I have no defenses. I love you totally and absolutely. My happiness, my life, are in your hands. Somehow, without my knowledge, you have gained unrestricted control over my heart. That is one small part of what I think it means to love you. Loving you is wanting and missing you, laughing and crying at once, silence and sound. Loving you is all the inarticulate letters I started to write to you, striving to overcome years of reticence and write of the song that echoes endlessly in my heart. Loving you has tamed some of the fire in my temper and made me happier. Loving you has washed away all the petty doubts and worries that harassed me before I met you. After I met you, I knew my life had changed forever even if I wouldn’t admit it. Then I learned that you loved me and I realized that I actually had doubts, that I was not worthy of you. Having lived with me for a few years, I knew only too well all my faults. That you accept me nevertheless, that is cause for rejoicing — even with the knowledge that we can never be together.
When I see you with another man, I find myself wishing things were different. That we could be together. If that were to happen, I would swear to you that I would do everything in my power so you would never, ever regret your decision to love me. And you. I suspect that you would be busy polishing the silver threads of our love every day, adding more strands to weave a fine net. But that would be unnecessary. I am already all tied up with your love. It is impossible for me to get away. I have razed all my fences, torn down all my barriers, my heart is yours, my Flower. Not that I am at all worthy, but I am yours to do with what you will.
All my love forever,
Klaus
Not worthy! This was the final straw. How could Iron Klaus be unworthy of anyone? Dorian found himself returning to the anger that he had felt after reading the first letter all those hours ago. He wanted to tear them all into shreds, but could not bring himself to do it. Not something the Major had taken such care to preserve. He carefully returned the letters to the box and closed it.
Who is she, Major? Who is your precious flower?
Dorian was on his feet before he realized, heading for the door. Time to take a much closer look at the Major’s circle of friends and acquaintances. It shouldn’t be too hard to narrow down the list. It was someone who had been in the Major’s immediate circle for decades, possibly even a woman he worked with.
It wasn’t until he was explaining to his men what he wanted them to do that Dorian realized he had no idea what he was going to do once he uncovered the identity of the Major’s love. Confront her? Confront the Major? Leave it be?
Dorian decided that this was best left until after he had actually found the woman who had managed to capture the heart of Iron Klaus.
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