Chapter Five
More Than A Simple Curiosity

After Jason checked everyone in the castle for radiation exposure, and much to the Major’s annoyance, he and the Doctor agreed to join Eroica for lunch on the terrace. Jason kept the box containing the bowls in his possession and placed it on the ground beside him during the meal. He found the by play between the Earl and the Major increasingly entertaining as the day wore on and finally understood what the Doctor meant about things being interesting.

The Doctor suspected the invitation to stay was more than a simple gesture of etiquette and smiled to himself when Eroica inquired about the origins of the apparently “alien” pottery.

“Why do you ask?” the Time Lord said conversationally.

“No particular reason,” came the evasive reply. Eroica absently twisted his long curls around one finger and sat back in his chair. The picture of innocence.

“Even I don’t believe that,” Jason injected. Two enormous blue eyes that could rival his own turned in his direction. “And if you keep looking at me like that, I’m going to change into something particularly hideous.”

This remark stunned the Doctor. His Alterran companion was very particular about keeping the fact that he could change form a secret. It was all too obvious that Eroica’s relentless sexual overtures and innuendos were getting under his skin.

“Why don’t you just trade clothes with Herr Doctor or Lord Gloria,” the Major snorted derisively, lighting up what seemed to Jason to be his hundredth cigarette.

Eroica made a show of being offended, fluffing the fur collar of his coat. The Doctor, on the other hand, merely smiled. If the Major wanted to get under his skin he was going to have to do a lot better than that.

“Just what is NATO’s interest in all this, Major?” Eroica asked suddenly. “Is the writing on those exquisite bowls a code of some sort?”

The Major gave him a dark look, taking a long drag on his cigarette and slowly blowing the smoke in Eroica’s direction, causing him to cough and wave a hand to clear the smoke from his eyes. “As the Doctor explained, they are radioactive. The materials are unlike anything we’ve seen before. We suspect the KGB may try to use the material in the development of more powerful nuclear weapons.”

Jason caught his breath upon hearing this and sat up, looking over at the Doctor. “Can they do that?”

The Time Lord nodded. “And if they learned how to duplicate it…”

“Oh, my God.”

“Not likely, now that we have the bowls in our possession,” the Major injected, taking another drag on his cigarette.

The Doctor and Jason exchanged a knowing look. “Unfortunately,” the Time Lord said calmly, “those bowls are not the simple curiosity they appear to be, Major. They’re a portion of a device appropriately named Planet Killer, which does precisely what the name implies. If it were activated now, it would destroy every living being on this planet of yours within a matter of seconds.” He paused a beat before adding, “It has six components and we have only three.”

Eroica gave him a startled and appalled look. There was more to this reaction than simple shock.

Seeing this, Jason exchanged a knowing look with the Doctor. “You know something, don’t you, Dorian?” he said suddenly, sitting back in his chair and studying the man’s expression closely.

Eroica’s large blue eyes stared at him a moment, the look on his face one of genuine surprise.

“You know more about this and you didn’t say! Idiot!” the Major exclaimed angrily, slamming his fist on the table. “You stupid limey, what were you waiting for?”

“Someone to ask him nicely, perhaps?” the Doctor said acidly, ignoring the Major’s glowering reaction.

Ask this faggot nicely? That will be the day! Klaus thought.

 The Doctor turned to Eroica. “Do you know something more about this, Lord Gloria?”

“Are you always this formal, Doctor?”

“Are you always this evasive, Dorian?” the Time Lord shot back smoothly.

Eroica gave a delighted laugh and sat back in his chair, the sun catching his blond curls and making him look as though he were glowing. “Yes, I do know something, as a matter of fact. I know where the other three are.”

“Idiot! Were you planning to steal them anyway?” the Major snapped.

“Oh, Major, I do love it when you’re angry.” Eroica leaned forward, placing his hand on his chin and fluttering his eyelashes.

The Major recoiled and was instantly on his feet. “Don’t look at me like that you degenerate!”

The Major gave him a dark look but, amazingly, did not reply, choosing instead to light another cigarette and turn his back on the group.

Great, Jason thought. Now he’s going to sulk. Lord, this is so much fun, Doctor. Thank you ever so much for bringing me to Earth in the middle of the Cold War era.

Turning to Eroica, the Doctor met his bright inquiring gaze steadily. “You were saying?”

It was the first time that Eroica could remember that he found himself unsettled by another person’s intense gaze and he sat up slowly. Then he wondered if the Doctor were an alien also. There was so much going on behind those intelligent inscrutable eyes of his.

“I’ll tell you where they are under one condition,” he said at last.

“Done,” the Doctor said succinctly and got to his feet. “Jason, if you’d be so kind as to bring the bowls.”

Jason did not even ask. He had been with the Doctor long enough to know you did not ask questions in these situations. You just followed the Doctor’s lead and then hit him with a barrage of questions as soon as the opportunity arose. The Alterran leaned over and picked up the box containing the bowls before getting to his feet.

Eroica was completely thrown. “You haven’t even heard my condition.”

“It’s rather obvious, isn’t it? You want to help us steal the remaining components,” the Doctor replied simply. “I can’t think of anyone better suited, can you, Major?”

The Major made a few strangled noises and practically swallowed what was left of his cigarette, much to Eroica’s amusement.

Jason, on the other hand, was less that amused. He met the Doctor’s delighted look with an annoyed scowled. Since he was the only one who could safely handle the bowls, he was going to have to accompany Eroica during the thefts. This just gets better and better. Now I get to spend my vacation in the company of a hedonistic, homosexual art thief and a tightly wrapped, xenophobic government agent. Next time, I’m going to Skaro.

* * *

The unlikely group returned to UNIT HQ; Klaus obstinately on his own, the Doctor in Bessie, and Jason with Eroica, who had changed into something less flamboyant but no less extravagant. He had also retrieved a large canvas bag containing all of his burglar tools.

Considering all the protestations the Alterran had made earlier, the Doctor was somewhat surprised when he announced he would be accompanying the thief on the long drive back to London.

“I’m going to have to spend time with him when we go after the components,” Jason pointed out. “I might as well get used to it now.”

“Just try not to injure him while the car is moving,” the Doctor joked.

When the group arrived in London, Jason was presented with his own set of UNIT identity papers, his photograph having been taken prior to the trip to the North Downs.

The Brigadier was more than a little put out when he learned the Doctor had enlisted the assistance of the notorious Eroica. He was equally dismayed by the thief’s flamboyant antics, something Jason was beginning to suspect was an elaborate act to cover his real motives. Unlike the brooding Major, who put everyone on their guard just by walking in a room, the eccentric Earl of Gloria made everyone relax.

“Alright, Dorian,” the Doctor said finally. “I suppose it would be too much to hope for that the remaining components are at the same location.”

“If they had been, Doctor, I would’ve started there,” the thief replied matter of factly.

“I thought as much. Where do we start?”

Eroica brushed his hair from his face and glanced over in the Major’s direction. “How do I know you won’t leave me behind when you find out?”

“A fair point.”

“Might I suggest we start in the TARDIS?” Jason chimed in.

Eroica threw a questioning look in the Major’s direction, seeing he was just as mystified. “TARDIS?” the thief repeated.

“My transport,” the Doctor informed, turning to lead the way from the Brigadier’s office.

“Is it a space ship?” Eroica asked jokingly, smiling at the annoyed scowl this remark brought to the Major’s face.

“Must you always be such an idiot?” the Major snorted as he passed through the door.

“Boy, is he in for a surprise, isn’t he, Alistair?” Jason observed, exchanging a knowing look with the Brigadier before making his way to the Doctor’s lab where the TARDIS and K-9 patiently awaited their master’s return.

“Yes,” the officer said to the empty room. “And for once, I’m glad I’m not going to be involved.”

* * *