Klaus could only stare in mute horror at the tableau before him. He had know, of course, that his father would be visiting. He had hurried home from the office to meet him properly.

He had been beaten to the punch. By Eroica of all people.

It was obvious the sort of man he was, Klaus was ready to tear his hair out, his father was going to think he-- he associated with such a person!

His father was going to-- laugh? What could there possibly be to laugh about, the world was ending!

"--and so the elephant says, 'he's with me'!"

The laughter went on. Klaus felt very, very odd. Awash in oddness. Eroica, and his father, telling jokes?

"Oh! I say, Major, so good to see you!" Eroica hailed him brightly. "I've just met your father, and he's every bit as delightful as I could've imagined!"

Delightful? Surely not!

Klaus could only stand there, as his father clapped him on the shoulder. There were greetings, performed on autopilot, and Eroica prattling on about... ripping yarns? What?

They went in, and there was a bottle of wine, and Klaus grew more and more paranoid as the two men in the room with him carried on like old friends. Finally-- finally-- Eroica excused himself.

"Oh, thank heavens..." Klaus' head dropped to his hands.

"Your friend is very charming..."

The horror returned. This was oh so wrong.

"I can see how you continue to disappoint me by remaining unmarried," His father sighed. "I am surprised Lord Gloria doesn't have a wife."

Surprised?

"Sir, Lord Gloria is--"

"Yes, yes, Klaus. We talked quite a bit before you arrived-- and surely you could have gotten back sooner?-- and he explained everything to me. I must say it's a mystery."

"A-- a mystery, Sir?"

"Yes. That such an obviously knowledgeable and charming man of title should be unable to woo the girl of his dreams."

"About the girl of his dreams, Sir--"

"You have met her?"

"I-- That is--"

"Don't halt like that when you talk, I raised you better than that."

"What... what did Lord Gloria tell you?"

"Well, the man is as pigheaded as you are. I despaired of you ever marrying, and so he tells me he believes in marrying for love. Well, he confesses to me he is in love with a German girl--"

"A German girl?"

"What is the matter with you? Anyway, I think 'ah, yes, well a German girl will be sensible, and she will see a man with these prospects will make a good husband', but he goes on to say she's turned him down. Tell me, can that be normal?"

"No." Said Klaus. Nothing could be normal, not now, not ever again.

"Now, it is true he is probably a dilletante and doesn't know the meaning of honest work, but he has the means to support a wife, and he is very charming. So, neither of us can see why he has failed."

So his father thought that Eroica was wooing a girl? He'd been afraid, seeing them together, that Eroica had done some fool thing like profess his love for Klaus in some foppish way, but it seemed he'd had some measure of discretion about him. Although how his father could ever mistake the thief for a straight man was beyond Klaus.

"He plays the fool, but he can work." Klaus surprised himself with the defense.

"Then if you know this girl, you tell her, marry him before he changes his mind. Then you ask her if she has a sister."

Klaus had absolutely nothing he could say to this.

It was later that evening that Eroica called him.

"My father thinks you like girls."

"What was I supposed to tell him? 'I'm desperately in love with your son'? Of course your father thinks I like girls. We got on very well, I thought."

"Yes. I half think he'd rather have you for a son."

"Why, darling, is that a proposal?"

"Pervert! Of course not!"

"Fine, fine. I'll see you around, then..."

Klaus let the receiver fall. The whole ordeal had been terrible, of course, but... things could be worse.

---/-/---

FIN